HYDERABAD - City of Biryanis, Nawabs and.........Road Rash!!

I must admit that I didn't have a clear idea of what hyderabad was all about when I landed here about a month back. So, one can safely assume that I came here with what managers term as a "clean slate". I will try and discuss various facets (strictly in the order of recall) of the city, which I have witnessed in the last 1 month.

• Biryani & Paradise - I was checked into a hotel whose claim to fame was that it was near some Biryani centre called Paradise, whose imposing reputation and fame was to astound me later. Anyways, on the first day itself I could feel that I was living at a Very Very Special place as everybody seemed to know about Paradise. It is an imposing structure standing at one of the most prime locations in Secunderabad. It gives everybody a choice to enjoy either of the 3 kinds of hospitality (general class, open air & AC) depending upon ones host's or ones own magnanimity. Then it has a valet parking, a takeaway hall and a bakery which serves almost all snacks. The magnitude of its popularity can be gauged by the fact that the 'Parking Full' signboard seemed like a permanent fixture to me. (Okay, you might disagree with my gauge but you gotta trust me on this). It has a Dinshaw Icecream besides it and a Dadu's Snacks opposite it, both of which are decently famous.

• Heaven for Non-vegetarians - I must admit that this place rocks for non-vegetarians. The mutton served here beats all others that I have ate anywhere in India. All those who are sick of chewy-dragee mutton peices should pay this city a visit. For this, I am thankful to Hyderabad House which serves amazing dishes of chicken and mutton. One visit to this place and my day is made. Also, it is one of the few eateries which delivers stuff to Cadbury depot which is located (like every FMCG depot) in a place best suited for army bunkers (hidden from public eye and impossible to find without landmarks).

• Time & Distance absurdity - Class 10th physics time - distance equations were much simpler. Atleast they yielded specific results!! Hyderabadis have this insane vocabulary makes some words transcend not just beyond their commonly believed meanings but also all boundations imposed by time - space consistencies. A very simple example will be parsoon which means day before yesterday or day after tomorrow to all the lesser mortals like you and me. If some Hyderabadi tells you that he did something parsoon, then the time period might vary from years to 4-5 days ago. So parsoon has become timeless, ageless and boundary-less. Another case-in-point being another slang idhar ichh hai which means it is right here to my average wisdom but this slang shames Heisenberg's uncertainity principle (inverse relation between certainity of position and momentum Δx X Δp = h/4Π) by stretching from few meters to many kilometers with many twists and turns (literally) thrown in. The moral of the story is that if a Hyderabadi tells you that he did something parsoon, or yeh building idhar ichh hi hai or that he is on his way or reaching in 10 min, please insist on knowing exact details of time and distance in terms of landmarks and commonly used metrics like meters, kilometers, minutes, hours etc.

• Tiffins & Mills - If you observe that every market has 5-6 shops which have names ending in Tiffins and have a preceding name with an extra H thrown in e.g. Swathi Tiffins, Gayathri Tiffins, Bhagwathi Tiffins etc., rest assured you are in Hyderabad. Now all these shops have different categories of eatables available there. 2 major categories are - Tiffins and Mills (which is meals but is pronounced like mills by one and all). As far as I could assimilate and then comprehend, Tiffins are something that don't fill your stomach (as it has only rice or idli etc with some dal/sambar) and Mills are anything that can have chapathi in it. Here also, you get many sabzis along with it, a look at which tells you that the guys at the eatery are playing "Guess the vegetable contest!!" with your guess as good as theirs. Nevertheless, if you are fanatic about cleanliness etc. one can easily survive with rice mills and mineral water bottle.

• Road Rage - Ages back, I used to play a computer game named Motocross Midtown Madness where one was supposed to drive his/her vehicle in bylanes of a city and win points by knocking down passers by and fellow drivers. Most destructive driver used to win the game. Although (if my memory serves me right) the city had a german sounding name but I am sure the concept came from Hyderabad. Or Hyderabad learnt it after that game?? The second option is highly unlikely and hence saves us from fighting the chicken/egg problem again (Thank God). Jokes aside, people drive like crazy here with driving, turning, honking etc. in whatever direction and whatever way they think is possible. Watching Traffic constables trying to regulate traffic is a funny sight, as more often than not they are found jumping out of the way of unruly traffic lest they plan to get crushed. It will not be a bad idea to train Kamikaze pilots on Hyderabad roads!!

P.S. - All my impressions are based on my exposure to the twin cities and might not be a true representation of each and every area of the twin cities.

Saw this movie called "Woh Lamhey" some time back. It really made me repent Woh Lamhey when I decided to see it. The movie simply had too many things to deal with. It was an emotional drama with horror also thrown in. Overacting actress (who seems to be on a perennial bacchunalian rampage), wooden model boyfriend (who is abused by one and all in the movie), crazy mother etc etc. all make it a bhejafry stuff!!

What was really enjoyable was the crowd's reaction to the movie. After the first 45 min, almost everybody in the hall could feel their fists clinching. Periodic respites came in form of comments from the crowd, visits to the rest room and some over-enthusiastic kids asking funny questions from their already irritated moms.

In retrospect, I think that one can have a better opinion of the movie if one watches it with patience and not with a typically entertaining crowd. But that better opinion will be marginally better than that of mine. I must admit that some songs are worth hearing more than once.